Moving on...

I've come to accept my fate. My marriage is over but not for the reasons I have stated before. I've made my mistakes and lied and it has been severe. But I have tried to be a better person, I was already in counseling and this just reaffirmed that I need more. I still have a way to go.

My marriage is over because I am the only one who has been fighting for it for a very long time. Marriage or any long term relationship, is hard work and it is when it is tested the most, that's when you find the resolve of the individuals in it is truely discovered. I have always loved and fought for my wife. She has not. She has conceded things but that only leads to resentment and animosity. I have always been told by her I needed to work on "my issues" but where was she to work on "our issues" or "her issues"... When the going got tough, she quit. A pattern of behavior I have seen A LOT in the last 13 years.

I do not hate my wife. On the contrary, I love her. I just cannot fight for something that I'm the only one that wants it....

Jennifer, I wish you all the best.... But I am moving on...

One week later...

It's been a week since the collapse... I'm not doing great but I'm better than I was. the failure of my marriage is mine to bare alone. I don't know that I'll recover from this fully. My family (sister) has been very supportive and our relationship has gotten stronger because of my mistakes. I just need to be there for my children. I've lost my love, I cannot lose them.

Losing it all...

I've lost everything in my life and only I am to blame. My lies has destroyed my marriage and I lost the woman I loved. I can't win her back and I won't try. I won't waste her time. I am a little man who tried to make himself out to be better than I was and it has ended it all. I am not the role model for my children I wanted to be and they deserve better. I cannot undo the mistakes I have made and I must live the rest of my life suffering for my sins

This is not me being a martyr but rather accepting my fate... I'm not sure that the world may not be a better place without me...