I Against I

Right here is where the end gon' start at, conflict, contact 'n' combat, fighters stand where the land is marked at, settle the dispute about who the livest, 3 word answer, Whoever survive this,

- Mos Def

The battle I have been having in my own mind has been epic. I struggle daily with so many things. My body, my self image, my relationships, and my future.

I definitely have struggled with my training. I have incorporated cycling for the 1st time in many years. I love the freedom of being on the road and the feeling that burn. The trade off is that when I stand in front of a TV watching Shaun T and the INSANITY program, it just doesn't motivate me. I know the workout will be challenging but it pales in the feeling of the wind whipping by and the change of scenery. On top of all of that, I have had SOOOO many cravings for unhealthy foods. It's a strange ordeal I have been through.

I know that almost 6 months ago, I was the most unhealthy I have ever been. Weighing nearly 250 lbs, I had to make a change. Between the Elliptical, portion control, and INSANITY, I managed to drop to 193 lbs as of today. SO why don't I fee like I have changed much? I know I have, I have the results. I know I need keep a positive mental attitude, but it is a daily battle...

More later... I'm sure I'll have a rant for the world to laugh at.

Define: INSANITY

I finally figured out how fitness guru Shaun T came up with the name INSANITY for his fitness program. It has nothing to do with how difficult it is or how crazy the overall challenge is. I believe why is it really called INSANITY has everything to do with why WOULDN'T you do it!

I am sore, I hurt, and I have days where I dread putting that DVD in. I know that if I don't follow the program, If I don't use MyFitnessPal.com, and If I don't push myself to be healthier, I will just fall back to bad habits and be 250 lbs. once again. 

I am the only one to blame for my lack of fitness, and I will be the only one to credit when I make it to 180 lbs. and looking like I did in college.

P.S. I have given hope of having ripped abs and looking like Shaun T. Not because I don't think I can do it, but rather, I need to set my own standard.

Well... This sucks...

I've been sore before, but never like this! Since I've incorporated running into my workout regiment, I have never have my muscle & joints hurt this much in my history. I know that being older has a lot to do with it but all the stretching in the world doesn't seem to help. I hope things start to get better. The second month of INSANITY begin tomorrow with the Fit Test AND a new circuit. I've been told this month is going to be HARD!

On a personal note, I've been trying to spend more time with my family and do more around the house. I'm trying to improve my family life. There are days when I just want time to myself but I'm willing to sacrifice it to be a better father & husband.

Therapy sessions are going well but at the end of the day I need to figure out what I have to be happy. Because right now, I am struggling with that.

Never did I think...

I have always been a person that accepted my situation as being "it is, what it is". Thus, I was gaining weight and my overall attitude deteriorated. I wasn't a very good father or husband or person for the most part. What was sad, is never did I think I would change anything and I accepted my fate. I hit my lowest point 2 different times this year and it took these moments to invoke change.

I have always been a hard person emotionally to deal with. I am very closed off and difficult to get express my thoughts and my emotions. I always believed that leaving things bottled up and letting it eat away at my soul was fine. In January of this year I have my first "awakening".

I stepped on the scale in my home upon returning from our annual training trip to Florida and I discovered something shocking, not only did I weight 250 lbs but my size 36 inch waist pants didn't fit! I knew at the rate I was going, I'd be a prime candidate for diabetes, high blood pressure and an early grave. I began a regiment of food moderation, eliminating harmful food from my diet and exercise. It hurt like hell but I knew it had to be done. I  was only the elliptical for 3 months straight and blew through 35 lbs. Then the month of April came, I got really sick and my daily routine of exercise went down to 3 days a week. Then I began INSANITY. In the month since, I have dropped my weight down to 195 lbs in just 5 months!.

My second "awakening" was much more disturbing.

It took my father's death to realize that while I was succeeding in my professional life, I was failing horribly in my personal life. I was not spending nearly enough time with my sons and I was nothing more than a roommate with my wife. This epiphany has caused me to reevaluate what is important in my life. I have enrolled in therapy and I spend every day trying to make up for all the mistakes I have made in my marriage and I am working to spend as much time as possible with my sons. My wife and children are my world and I cannot imagine my life without them. I know it will take time, but the process has begun...

That's enough for now... I will have more random thoughts later. Now off to do something I haven't done in a long time... It's time for a run!

Skelly...

The Relaunch...

I have attempted to blog for several years now but for the most part I was posting 2 or 3 things and then gave up. With the increased activity on social media, I felt right now was the best time to relaunch my Blog.

I will be using this to track the progress of my physical growth as well and a means of voicing my thoughts and ideas on maintain a healthy physical & mental lifestyle.

Enjoys!